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As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing intimacy issues.